Issue #47: Managing Anger
Learn about our universal emotion that makes us feel enraged and how to deal with it in a healthy way
Dear mental health advocate,
Are you experiencing anger often? There are so many situations that can trigger a person to feel enraged. It is one of the more basic emotions that we don’t like to talk about, as the consequences can be intense. But, we are all angry from time to time. In today’s free edition of The Present Psychologist Paper I will discuss anger and how you can work on managing it in a sustainable way.
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Managing Anger
Psychologists have done extensive research on the emotions that humans deal with. While there is no conclusive decision which ones exist (because there are so many), there seems to be quite some consensus on a few basic emotions. According to psychologist and researcher Paul Ekman there are six basic emotions, which are universal. Surprise, disgust, enjoyment, fear, sadness and anger. We often speak about fears in the world of psychology like our anxieties and phobias. Or we put ‘sadness’ in the spotlight, like when it comes to depression or just not feeling well overall. The other emotions, well, not so much.
I think it is essential to discuss the other ones a bit more too. And today, I want to specifically focus on anger. Why? Because it is an emotion that many of us try to shy away from as much as possible. Both when we feel angry ourselves and especially when we feel that others around us are enraged. For some people, anger is a scary emotion because the consequences and subsequent behavior can be overwhelming. Not everyone is able to channel their fury in a way that is healthy. It can lead to emotional and physical abuse geared towards something or someone.
What is anger?
Anger is a very primal feeling. It can be a bottled up emotion that needs to get out of your system in certain situations. If you look at the definition by the American Psychological Association, you could describe anger best as:
“Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.”
People often associate it with negativity and see it as a bad emotion. While there can be a lot of damaging effects, there is a reason why it exists, why it is so universal and why it is so instinctive. It has a very important function in our body and brain: it lets us know something is wrong. A possibility is that there is a problem and anger then signals to us we need to find a solution to that issue. Or, the rage we show is a way to express our feelings. Unfortunately, there are also quite a lot of downsides when we deal with an excessive amount of anger. Both mentally and physically.
Feeling your own anger
Anger typically manifests itself in multiple ways. It affects both your mind and your body. Overall, the emotion has quite a lot of similarities for whoever experiences it, but there can be small differences in how it presents itself. Many of these signs and symptoms are hard to control, as anger is a very primal force.
Body signs: in general, when you feel anger, physically your entire being is triggered. It leads to an increased heartbeat, tightness in your chest and sweating. You can notice some trembling and shaking, or your muscles becoming tense. Possibly there is dizziness and feeling hot.
Mental signs: you feel overwhelmed, nervous, irritable and other complex emotions can be activated like guilt, shame, humiliation. Many experience a certain loss of control and feel like there is mist in their head ‘seeing red’. There is strong resentment towards others or certain situations.
Expressing anger
As I mentioned before, dealing with anger can have some severe consequences. While feeling enraged is a perfectly human emotion, how you decide to deal with it is crucial. The difficulty with such feelings is that it is often hard to control. It takes effort. Nevertheless, how you behave and act when angry has vital impact on both your own and other people’s mental health. I like to distinguish these actions in two ways: unsustainable/damaging and sustainable/healthy.
If you feel angry, it is possible that you resort to unsustainable/damaging coping mechanisms. Many of us do, especially when we struggle to regulate our emotions. You can divide these into three categories:
Outward anger and aggression: some people direct their anger towards others in a negative way. This could be through threats, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, but also any type of physical violence (hitting someone, throwing things, slamming doors shut). Such behavior severely damages the relationship you have with others.
Inward anger and aggression: sometimes people direct their anger towards themselves, because they believe they are the main culprit why the anger exists, or when they struggle with self-worth. This can have many different forms, like depriving yourself of essential needs such as sleep and food for example. But it can also lead to self-harm, isolation and negative self-talk.
Silent and/or passive aggression: another option is that people try to indirectly show aggression to others in a passive way. This looks like purposefully ignoring someone else, speaking behind their back or trying to hurt them through and third party. Passive aggressiveness can be a bit harder to detect, but it is very damaging to a relationship.
So how DO you manage anger in a more sustainable and healthy way? There are plenty of methods you can apply. Of course, it is a different story if you are in physical danger, but in other cases:
Feel it first. If you are angry, take note and go through the feeling without acting upon it. Become aware of the situation and what caused the fury.
Think before you speak. If you are enraged, it is hard to think clearly. You might say things you regret later. Find out what your actual standpoint is.
Express your concerns. If there is a problem and you feel violated, let this be known first in an adult way. Set you boundaries, say what you need.
Identify solutions. If you want to get to a good outcome, try to look for constructive ways to change the situation.
Take some time off. If you need some distance, you can take this. If other people are impacted, let them know why.
Find a healthy outlet. Go and do some exercise, dance your frustration out, go kickboxing, take long walks.
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My name is Alf Lokkertsen and I am a psychologist and writer, creating mental health content for you. My passion is to raise awareness about topics related to psychology, as it has helped me greatly in my personal life. I strongly believe that many problems could be avoided or dealt with better if everyone had some in-depth psychology knowledge.
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