Advice #3: Midlife Crisis

Dealing with a midlife crisis, what to do after a breakup, healing from sibling bullying and trauma triggers

Dear mental health advocate,

Another edition of The Present Psychologist Pointers. In these columns I will write about struggles some of my followers have agreed to share and provide some ideas and tips how to deal with them. I will discuss four cases in each of these articles. Please bear in mind I do not have the entire context and it is possible my advice would not work in your situation. I try to keep the advice general. These columns are intended as education and not as a solution. If you are suffering, please focus on finding a mental health professional near you. Do you want a problem you are currently facing discussed? Reply to this email or reply to my stories on Instagram where I sometimes add a question to share a mental health struggle.

In today’s issue, the following four cases will be covered:

• Case 1: Midlife crisis

• Case 2: Dealing With a Breakup

• Case 3: Sibling Bullying

• Case 4: Letting Go of Trauma Triggers

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Case 1: Midlife crisis

‘I feel like I am going through a midlife crisis. It makes me wonder if I should change decisions that have not really been working out well so far. I am not really sure what to do’

The older we are, the more baggage we carry. We have spent more time on this earth compared to when we were young, which means there is also a bigger likelihood we deal with regrets, mistakes made and being confronted more with our own mortality. All of this results in reflecting about our decisions and what we have done with our lives. For me personally, it feels like time keeps going faster and I am running more and more behind the spinning wheel of time. During a crisis like this, many consider the time they likely have left on this earth and wonder if this is it. Questions like ‘Should I have had a different career path?’, ‘Am I happy with myself?’, ‘What do I still want to do?’ can come haunt your brain.

But, what I always try to tell people: change is the only constant. It is scary, however, it is necessary and unavoidable. A midlife crisis is a moment in time which means you reflect on your life and the decisions you have made. While it is not an easy task, changing things is a good option. Our needs and wants evolve over time, which means we need to adjust. Sometimes this looks like a small change or decision, like meeting new people to make friends, sometimes it means changing your career path and picking up a new job. If you feel that your decisions have not really been working out well, change seems necessary. Try to accept change as being an integral part of life.

Focus on acknowledging your feelings, identify the circumstances and things you can control. Take small steps forward. Redefine your purpose in life by trying new interests, shake things up by picking up new hobbies or focusing on doing what you’ve always wanted to but never got around to yet. Finally, to properly help navigate yourself through a midlife crisis it is crucial to be kind to yourself. Find out what you are grateful for by practicing gratitude. Learn how to be kind to yourself by writing down your achievements and thinking about your growth so far. And remember: every mistake or setback can lead to growth.

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Case 2: Dealing With a Breakup

‘My boyfriend and I broke up after being together for more than five years. We did everything together, shared friends and were living in the same house. It feels as if I have lost myself completely and not sure how to cope with our breakup.’