Issue #37: What Is Narcissism?
Learn about narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder and what can cause it
Dear mental health advocate,
It’s been a busy year so far and summer is finally here (at least in the Northern hemisphere). I hope you get to have some time to recharge soon and enjoy some time off. Here’s another free edition of The Present Psychologist Paper. In today’s edition I wanted to have a look at a term that is very common in popular culture and social media nowadays: narcissism. It’s a very loaded term, for numerous reason. I will explain more about what it means in a psychological context, what the disorder is all about and how it can affect people. Want to find out more? Keep on reading!
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What Is Narcissism?
Social media and popular culture have their advantages and clear drawbacks. What is great about them is that they can help with raising awareness about all sorts of mental health topics. This can support the fight against stigma and ensuring people are being heard. However, there is also a clear downside. What I have noticed after running a mental health social media account for three years on Instagram, is that people throw around certain psychology terms quite easily. Using these words without thinking can be quite damaging. If someone disagrees with your behavior or words it does not mean you are being gaslighted. If you are nervous for an exam it does not necessarily mean you suffer from severe anxiety. There is a balance with everything.
One of the words that I see quite often is ‘narcissist’. Yes, we might see quite a lot of content or behavior where people focus on themselves (selfies anyone?), but that does not mean people are a narcissist. Self-absorbed? Maybe a bit. But there are differences. The balance between raising mental health awareness and people starting to diagnose themselves and others is a tricky one. I often try to emphasize that it is okay to talk about certain disorders and psychological terms, but that the diagnosing should be done by mental health professionals. Words have impact, and it can be damaging to your personal relationships if you use them incorrectly.
Narcissism explained
In clinical psychology, narcissism is seen as a trait that people can have which relates to feelings of grandiosity and need for admiration. The term 'narcissism' is based on a myth by Roman writer Ovid, where Narcissus was a handsome man who fell in love with his own reflection. Interestingly, not just a mythical figure dealt with this. Because, everyone has narcissistic tendencies to a certain degree. Many of us enjoy being admired for our skills, looks and achievements. That’s pretty normal. Some have this a bit more than others, because such traits are always a spectrum. However, in some cases such behavior becomes damaging as they develop into harmful recurring patterns that negatively impact both the individual and their surroundings.
In that case, therapists can diagnose someone who suffers from an inflated sense of self with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) if they meet certain criteria. As said, just being proud of something or wanting to be admired in itself does not mean you are a ‘narcissist’. It is a bit more complicated than that. Why? Because NPD is not the same as the trait narcissism. We all fall somewhere on the spectrum of the trait narcissism, but we are not all suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder. When it comes to such disorders, psychologists have agreed that in order to be diagnosed, a person would need to struggle with at least five of the following symptoms:
Grandiosity. Deals with an inflated sense of self-importance which is shown through exaggerating their accomplishments and seeing themselves as superior to others. It is possible that these achievements are not even real.
Preoccupation. People with NPD are very much focused on gaining attention and success. They fantasize about being powerful, very famous and being beautiful. Also they want to achieve some sort of ‘perfect love’.
Special status. They feel that they are in a way different and unique compared to others. They believe they are more special than others and as a result want to be treated in another and better way.
Admiration. Most narcissists require and seek excessive admiration from others. As they believe they are more special, successful and/or beautiful than others, they only see it fitting that others want to be like them.
Entitlement. In that case, it only makes sense to people with NPD that they deserve some sort of special treatment. They might even be unreasonable with their demands and expectations.
Exploitative. One damaging trait within NPD is that they often try to take advantage of others to get a certain outcome. They have their own agenda and do not hesitate to get what they want.
Lack of empathy. As they are caught up in their own emotions and think they are more important, narcissists often neglect other people’s feelings and needs. They do not have a lot of empathy, simply because they do not notice or care.
Envy. Sometimes secretly, sometimes obviously, people with NPD deal with feelings of jealousy. They want what others have. In many cases, it also works vice versa. They believe that others want to be like them.
Arrogance. Due to their belief in their own superiority, they might show arrogant behavior and haughty attitudes towards others.
What causes narcissism?
A lot of research has been done on different causes and reasons why some people develop a narcissistic personality disorder. As with many other mental health disorders, it is often a complex combination between what a person has inherited (their genes), the environment they grow up in (nurture) and the experiences they go through. The development of personality disorders like NPD are often strongly impacted by early childhood and life events. Some examples of these which are known to potentially influence the onset of NPD are:
Experiencing emotional, physical, sexual abuse or trauma. A young child is still growing and learning, so certain coping mechanisms can develop as a way to protect themselves.
Receiving excessive praise. If a child grows up without much setbacks or misfortunes and is being taught they are very unique and special, it can become a pattern even as an adult to believe they are superior.
Lack of validation. Interestingly, the other side of the coin can lead to the development of NPD as well. If a child never gets any emotional support or validation they can become insecure and build a defense mechanism to think of themselves as superior and worthy.
Indulgence. If a child gets everything they want from their caregivers or parents without any pushback or boundaries, then they are used to always getting their needs met. As an adult, when they then need to meet their own needs they believe they should get everything - at all costs. Even when it is at other people’s expense.
Neglect. Sometimes children are being emotionally (and/or physically) neglected by their caregivers. The safety and love they required was not provided. As a result, they become incredibly vulnerable and as a way to cope with it inflate their sense of self immensely.
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My name is Alf Lokkertsen and I am a psychologist and writer, creating mental health content for you. My passion is to raise awareness about topics related to psychology, as it has helped me greatly in my personal life. I strongly believe that many problems could be avoided or dealt with better if everyone had some in-depth psychology knowledge.
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