Alf, I love your newsletters, but I think you are pushing it a bit here in this one by calling all those 12 types signs of "mental abuse." I am afraid what you are doing is equipping a spouse, partner, or child to come back at the other with aggressive accusations of "you are mentally abusing me," whenever the other acts dismissive or challenges the other based on his or her different interpretation of reality. True mental abuse is not, to my view, quite so casual as you describe it. Blaming is a sign of mental abuse? Goodness, if that is true, we are all abusers and always being abused because blame is a deep trait of human nature. Hard to escape. We try hard to free of ourselves of it, but when we slip into it we are not abusers. We are blamers. I benefit more from depth than breadth in your wonderful posts and wonder if others might not feel the same. Best, Eli
Hi Eli, thanks for you elaborate reply and feedback. I agree with you that everyone uses many of these tactics, but for me the main difference is the frequency and the patterns behind it. Consistently, consciously and persistently blaming a specific person while knowing you are not in the wrong is a way of emotionally manipulating someone. Of course, there are gradations here and not all are grave types of mental abuse (some are more light), I just wanted to explain it as a way of helping people become aware of patterns.
Alf, I love your newsletters, but I think you are pushing it a bit here in this one by calling all those 12 types signs of "mental abuse." I am afraid what you are doing is equipping a spouse, partner, or child to come back at the other with aggressive accusations of "you are mentally abusing me," whenever the other acts dismissive or challenges the other based on his or her different interpretation of reality. True mental abuse is not, to my view, quite so casual as you describe it. Blaming is a sign of mental abuse? Goodness, if that is true, we are all abusers and always being abused because blame is a deep trait of human nature. Hard to escape. We try hard to free of ourselves of it, but when we slip into it we are not abusers. We are blamers. I benefit more from depth than breadth in your wonderful posts and wonder if others might not feel the same. Best, Eli
Hi Eli, thanks for you elaborate reply and feedback. I agree with you that everyone uses many of these tactics, but for me the main difference is the frequency and the patterns behind it. Consistently, consciously and persistently blaming a specific person while knowing you are not in the wrong is a way of emotionally manipulating someone. Of course, there are gradations here and not all are grave types of mental abuse (some are more light), I just wanted to explain it as a way of helping people become aware of patterns.