Finding Strength Through Adversity
How to bounce back from difficulties
Dear mental health advocate,
We all go through moments in life that are terribly difficult. Think about losing someone you love, grief, breakups, illness, loneliness. Sometimes these are agonizing situations that are stretched out, other times these are short intense experiences that leave us reeling. If there is one thing you need to cling to, is that you probably won’t feel like this forever. How? By trying to find strength through adversity, which is the main topic of today’s free article of The Present Psychologist Paper. If you want to know more, keep on reading!
Finding Strength
We all have moments that feel like very intense turning points. A breakup that breaks your heart. A job loss that pulls the rug out from under you. A health scare that shakes you to your core. Life has this way of showing up with adversity when we least expect it, which is often uninvited and completely unplanned. And yet, when you look back at your life, what can you remember most vividly? It’s rarely the smooth, easy days. It’s the moments you were completely stretched. Immensely challenged. Brought to your knees and shaken to your core. Then, somehow, you got back up again. Those are the moments that shape us. That’s the paradox of adversity: the worst times often reveal the best parts of ourselves.
As a psychologist, I’ve spent years studying and supporting people through their hardest seasons. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned both from science and from sitting with many people through their storms it’s this: humans are profoundly resilient. Not because pain is easy, but because transformation is possible. I want to first take a deeper dive into the psychology of resilience, and then look at how we can not only survive adversity but emerge stronger, wiser, and much more deeply ourselves.
What is adversity?
Adversity is any significant challenge or hardship a person can go through. It might come in the form of trauma, loss, chronic stress, rejection, or failure. But adversity is also much more than just the hard thing itself because it leads to a very difficult internal battle. As a result your worldview becomes shaken which will test your emotional limits and at the same time threatens your sense of identity. Some of this adversity is acute (it happens instantly) like the sudden death of a loved one. Other types of adversity can be more slow-burning like chronic loneliness or dealing with a burnout at work. Either way, it forces us to confront a lot of things like pain, uncertainty and change.
But, the craziest and most interesting part here is that some people emerge from adversity not only intact, but stronger. They gain a lot of clarity. There is increased depth. Much more compassion. Even more direction in life. Psychologists call this post-traumatic growth: the experience of positive psychological change that can follow significant struggle.
Why do some people grow, and others crumble?
This is one of the biggest questions here right? Why do two people experience the same traumatic situation while one falls apart and the other finds a new version of themselves? The answer here isn’t about how tough you are. It’s actually about resilience. Being resilient does not mean you know how to avoid pain. Instead, it about how we relate to pain, how we recover from it, and what story we tell ourselves in the process.
Resilience is basically a mix of:
Emotional regulation (not suppressing emotions, but being able to ride the waves)
Cognitive flexibility (challenging your negative thoughts and reframing meaning)
Connection (having people who support and see you)
Purpose (a sense that there is something meaningful worth striving for in life)
These are NOT fixed traits. They can instead be cultivated. Which means you can build your strength yourself, no matter the starting point.
My own encounter
I remember a time when I hit emotional rock bottom myself. Not a dramatic movie moment, but the slow erosion of joy. It started with burnout, trying to manage a very demanding job, illness in the family and while trying to prove myself, I took on too much. Slowly, my excitement turned into dread. I lost interest in the things I loved. My body was always tired. My mind was incredibly foggy. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was edging into a depression with flares of anxiety. It just crept up quietly bit by bit. And when it fully hit, I felt shame. How could I, a psychologist, be going through this?
The weird thing as a psychologist is that you know what is happening, you recognize the signs. But that does not mean you can just manage it. That period taught me more than any textbook ever could. I learned how to ask for help. How to slow down. How to redefine success. How to reconnect with my body and breath. And perhaps most importantly, how to treat myself not as a project to fix, but as a person to care for. This was also the beginning of my deeper self-understanding and the beginning of my work with others to help them navigate their own emotional storms with more compassion and less fear.
What does science say about growing back stronger?
Post-traumatic growth (PTG) is a well-researched psychological phenomenon. Unlike resilience, which is about bouncing back, PTG is actually about bouncing forward and becoming a new version of yourself. It doesn’t happen to everyone, and it doesn’t happen automatically. But when it does, it often shows up in five specific areas:
Greater appreciation of life in general
Improved relationships with the people around you
Increased personal and inner strength
New possibilities or paths to follow in life
Spiritual or existential development of your full self
Research shows that PTG doesn’t mean the pain disappears. People still grieve, still hurt. But they can find meaning in the pain. And meaning is a very powerful anchor, don’t forget that.
What are tools to cultivate strength through adversity?
Here are the most psychologically grounded tools to help you find strength in the storm:
Feel all your feelings: avoiding emotion doesn’t make it disappear. It buries it. And buried emotions have a nasty habit of popping back up in ways we don’t appreciate, expect and actually make us feel worse. Think about anxiety, rage, or physical symptoms. Instead, allow space to feel what you’re feeling. Cry. Rage it all out. Sit in the sadness. Let it move completely through you. Emotions are like waves: they rise, peak, and eventually settle. Your job isn’t to fight the wave because you need to ride it safely. And yes, new waves will come.
Reframe the narrative you have in your head: one of the most powerful psychological tools out there is called cognitive reappraisal. And this is not toxic positivity, no it is the ability to see the same event in a new light. So, instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” try asking, “What might this be teaching me?” or “How can I grow from this?”. Ultimately, the story you tell yourself will shape your identity and how you look back.
Connect with others: social support is a buffer against stress and a gateway to healing. Whether it is with a friend, family member, therapist, or a support group: connection will help us feel seen, heard, and held. Adversity can isolate any of us. That’s why reaching out, even when it feels hard can be considered to be an act of courage.
Reconnect with your body: when we go through hardship, our nervous systems take a hit. We often become disconnected from our bodies. Trauma, especially, lives in the body. Certain practices like yoga, stretching, walking in nature, or simply placing your hand on your chest and breathing deeply can help regulate your nervous system and re-establish safety.
Focus on what you can actually control: in the midst of chaos, focusing on what you can control creates a sense of agency. This might be your morning routine, the food you eat, the content you consume, or the boundaries you set. Small choices ultimately add up to big resilience.
Find or create meaning in your life: Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist had a famous saying: “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear almost any ‘how’.” Meaning doesn’t always appear right in the moment. But you can stay open to it. Maybe the hardship deepens your empathy. Maybe it shifts your career path. Maybe it draws you closer to people who matter. In the end, meaning is not what makes pain go away as it is what makes it survivable.
Final thoughts: your pain is not the end of your story
If you’re in the midst of some terrible adversity right now, let me say this: you are not broken. You are actually becoming. As I mentioned before, there is no timeline for healing. No perfect way to process. There are waves, ups, downs, progress and regression. But know this: every time you show up for yourself even if it is in small, quiet ways you are still building something resilient and beautiful inside. Adversity does not define you. But how you respond to it, how you choose to meet it, well that shapes the story you carry forward.
Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. And remember: strength isn’t loud. Sometimes it looks like getting out of bed. Sending a message. Drinking water. Breathing through the storm. This is not the end. It might just be the beginning. You’ve got more strength than you know. And when the storm passes, believe me because it will, you might just be someone stronger, deeper, and more alive than you ever imagined.
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Decorate a Wall With a Printed Poster!
I have an exciting update! Some of you have reached out to me on various channels asking if some of my designs are available in poster format. These are very useful to decorate your classroom, private practice, your office or any other room. I believe spreading awareness is vital to improve mental health, especially when it comes to students, colleagues, family and friends. Previously, I already provided digital copies online, but now I am thrilled to announce I have partnered with Printify to sell high-quality physical posters of my designs. They come in sizes 18 x 24 inch (45.72 x 60.96 cm) and 24 x 32 inch (60.96 x 81.28 cm). Three different materials are available: fine art, semi-glossy and matte. If there is any design you are missing from my Instagram, let me know and I will add it to the assortment.
Please read and share with all your “fellow strugglers”. And remember that all truth is God’s truth. Thank you, God, for all our fellow strugglers, like Alf, who are working to lift each other up along the way.