Channeling Sadness
Making the most out of your misery
Dear mental health advocate,
There are these moments in life when emotions get the better of you. It’s strange how these situations can be cyclical. Our mental health is generally not a straight, linear line. It’s a rollercoaster line with waves, ups and downs. As a psychologist, I can promise you. These lows are not forever. But, knowing that will not always help if you are in the midst of that. Yes, we can cognitively understand it. That does not mean we know how to feel it in our bones that it will get better. So, in today’s free edition of The Present Psychologist Paper I am giving you some lifelines how to channel your sadness in a way that helps you get through it. Want to know more? Keep on reading!
Channeling Sadness
Where in life are you at right now? Having a good time? Or are you struggling? Whether you are in a good place or in a bad one, it’s likely you deal with sadness every now and then. Some of us more and prolonged, others temporarily. However long it may be, in many of those cases, we get a little bit lost how to deal with it. And here is the deal: sadness is one of those feelings we’re often taught to completely avoid. It is seen as an inconvenient, uncomfortable or even weak emotion. In our childhood, many of us were told firmly to not cry or to “cheer up” as if the sadness was a problem to fix instead of a signal to listen to. Especially boys and men are often considered soft if they show sadness and cry (which could be correlated with higher suicide rates).
But here is a truth from a psychological perspective: sadness is NOT your enemy. In fact, sadness is very much one of the most clarifying, creative, and transformational emotional states we experience if we actually let it be. As a psychologist (please note, I am a human who has spent my fair share of time spiraling, with tears in my eyes and questioning everything in my life), I have learned that sadness is not the end of something. It can often be the beginning of something new. So, what happens if instead of numbing sadness, we try to channel it into something?
What is sadness, really?
At its core, sadness is about the loss of a particular thing. And make no mistake, this is not just about the loss of people, but can also be about the loss of dreams, routines, relationships, identities, time, opportunities. Sadness is how our internal system between our body and mind registers change and unmet longing. It is the way we grieve what very deeply mattered to us. The reason why it occurs and overwhelms us? Well… sadness slows us down so we can reflect on our life and what happened. It invites inwardness, which is meant for introspection. It clears up space in your head and makes you think. You can compare it to some sort of cold winter, time to step back a little, reflect, feel and slow down to understand what is going on and what to do about it.
When you try to avoid sadness, it does not disappear and instead goes underground. It comes back as a lot of things. Think about becoming very tired and wanting to sleep all the time, becoming completely numb, being irritated about everything or dealing with crippling anxiety. But if you start to welcome sadness, when you sit with it and listen to it, it really has so much to teach you. You just have to let it.
Channeling sadness in different ways
It might help if you start to see that sadness is a kind of energy. Heavy and very dense energy, but energy nonetheless. And this energy needs movement to find its way out. Below I compiled a list of how you can work with your sadness instead of going completely against it:
1. Feel it fully without apologies: give yourself full permission to be very sad. Cry as much as is warranted, if you need to. Get yourself under that comfortable blanket and let the tears fall. This isn’t the same as wallowing, it is honoring what is true and giving yourself an outlet. Sadness is not a sign of weakness, no, it is a sign you care about something.
2. Create something from it: a lot of the most beautiful art, music, poetry, and writing have come from people’s sadness. Use it to your advantage. Write the letter you will never send. Paint all those difficult emotions on paper. Or just make a playlist that feels like it reflects your mood well. You need to create something raw and real to channel that energy and pain somewhere.
3. Make it move: our sadness often settles somewhere in the body. It really helps if you try to get it out. Even just simply walking, stretching or dancing in your room could do the trick. Movement actually shifts your emotion. You’re not trying to get rid of it, you just help it to flow better. It’s why I go to the gym, trust me, it helps.
4. Talk to it: imagine your sadness is a character (anyone seen the movie Inside Out? Trust me, it’s worth it!). Give it a name. What does it want to tell you? What is it currently protecting? What need is it highlighting for you? Often, sadness contains a lot of wisdom that we actually miss when we are trying to avoid it.
5. Connect through sadness: call someone you love. Share your thoughts with someone who gets it, either your situation or your sadness. When we talk about our feelings openly, we normalize it and we heal in connection with others. You don’t need advice. You just need some presence.
6. Transform it into something meaningful: ask yourself the question: what is this sadness revealing about what I value? What matters to me here? How can I take this pain and turn it into care or growth, whether for myself or for others around me?
Sadness does not require a deadline
Sadness often reconnects us with our deepest truths. You have to let it. Nowadays people push a lot for quick fixes and expect us to bounce back soon. But healing has no stopwatch or fixed time frame. You can move through sadness at your own pace, and you should. There is no rush. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. And one of the most important truths here is: you don’t need to ‘get over it’, because that is almost always impossible. You need to move with it. And in doing so, you’ll likely find a lot of pieces of yourself you didn’t know were there to begin with. Whether that is strength, softness, clarity or even creativity. You have to really repeat after me: sadness doesn’t mean something is wrong. It might just mean something very real is happening.
So, let me give you some final words on this. If you are currently in a season of sadness I want you to know that you are not broken. You are instead becoming a new version of yourself. Let the sadness sit beside you, let it speak and let it soften you. When you are finally ready, let it guide you forward. Maybe right now you do not believe this yet, but I want you to remember that you are not alone in your sadness. The fact that you can feel so deeply at all? That’s not a flaw. Instead, it is your humanity shining through.
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Decorate a Wall With a Printed Poster!
I have an exciting update! Some of you have reached out to me on various channels asking if some of my designs are available in poster format. These are very useful to decorate your classroom, private practice, your office or any other room. I believe spreading awareness is vital to improve mental health, especially when it comes to students, colleagues, family and friends. Previously, I already provided digital copies online, but now I am thrilled to announce I have partnered with Printify to sell high-quality physical posters of my designs. They come in sizes 18 x 24 inch (45.72 x 60.96 cm) and 24 x 32 inch (60.96 x 81.28 cm). Three different materials are available: fine art, semi-glossy and matte. If there is any design you are missing from my Instagram, let me know and I will add it to the assortment.